When Your Mind Says Yes But Your Body Says No
I'm writing this post because I honestly feel like I've been going through this alone for the past few years, and I figure there has to be someone else out there who gets it. My issue was really hard to explain, even to my husband. It wasn't about desire. I love him, I'm attracted to him, and in my head, I wanted to be intimate. The problem was my body just completely checked out. It was a gradual thing that started in my late thirties. We'd start to be intimate, and my mind would be completely into it, but my body would feel... nothing. It was like it was numb. There was no physical sensitivity, no natural lubrication, none of the physical reactions that are supposed to happen. It turned something that should have been connecting and enjoyable into something that was just a frustrating and uncomfortable chore.
The psychological part of this was just awful. I felt defective, like I was broken. I felt so much guilt because my husband was trying to be close to me, and I felt like I was rejecting him, even though in my heart I wasn't. We started using lubricants, which helped with the physical discomfort, but it felt like such a sterile solution. It was a patch on the problem, not a fix. It didn't change the fact that I felt disconnected from my own body. I started dreading going to bed. I'd stay up late reading or watching TV just so he would be asleep when I came to bed. I just wanted to avoid the potential for another night of feeling like a failure. Our relationship was strong in every other way, but this was creating a huge emotional distance between us, and it was all my fault. I felt so isolated.
I was too embarrassed to talk to my doctor about the specifics. I just couldn't form the words. So I started spending a lot of time online after my husband went to sleep, searching for answers. I used search terms like "body not responding to arousal" and "physical arousal issues in women." I found a lot of junk, a lot of websites selling herbal supplements that promised the world. I wasn't interested in that. I wanted something real. Eventually, I started finding my way into forums, kind of like this one, where women were talking more openly. That's where I first read about Lady Era. At first, I dismissed it, thinking it was just another one of those gimmick pills. But then I read a post where someone explained that the active ingredient was sildenafil citrate. I knew that name from men's ED medications. The post explained that it works by increasing blood flow.
That's when something clicked in my brain. It wasn't about creating desire. It was about enabling a physical response. My problem was a lack of blood flow causing a lack of physical response. The desire was already there. This seemed like a logical, mechanical solution to a mechanical problem. I spent a couple more weeks researching it, making sure I was reading about a real medication from a real pharmaceutical company. I was incredibly nervous, but I felt like I was at a point where I had to try something. I talked it over with my husband, explained the whole blood flow thing, and he was just supportive. I think he was just happy that I was trying to find a solution instead of just silently pulling away.
The first time I tried it, I was a wreck. I was so scared it wouldn't work and I would just feel even more broken. I took one pill about an hour before we went to bed. I didn't feel any different. No sudden change in mood, no big rush. We started kissing, and I was just waiting for the usual disappointment. But then, something different happened. I felt a warmth in my pelvic area. It was a very distinct, physical feeling. As he touched me, I felt a sensitivity that had been missing for years. My body was actually responding. It was producing its own lubrication. The physical sensations were real and present. I honestly just started crying from the relief. For the first time in so long, my body and my mind were on the same page. It was an incredibly emotional experience.
Since then, I have used it when I feel we need it. It is not a magic desire pill. Let me be very clear about that. If I'm stressed or tired or just not in the mood, it does absolutely nothing. It is a tool that helps my body follow my mind's lead. The desire and the emotional connection have to come first. For me, it has been life-changing. It removed that huge wall of anxiety and failure that was ruining my marriage and my self-esteem.
If you are interested in this topic and want to learn more, I recommend this resource to you: https://www.imedix.com/drugs/lady-era/